


Sour Grapes

by Leernearqueerfear



Category: Naruto
Genre: Entirely too long but whatever I didn’t wanna make multiple chapters, M/M, What’s better than this, dont keep waiting for it to I promise it’s not, just twelve year olds being twelve year olds, not going to get sexual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 01:06:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17839469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leernearqueerfear/pseuds/Leernearqueerfear
Summary: Used to refer to an attitude in which someone adopts a negative attitude to something because they cannot have it themselves.





	Sour Grapes

Sasuke slept with practically one eye open anyway so the slightest disturbance at the door was enough for him to launch into consciousness and into battle mode. He snatched his kunai from his bedside table instinctively, then found his blood pressure increase further when he activated his sharingan and realized who the intruder actually was.

“ _Idiot!_ Why are you sneaking around?” He put down the kunai in quiet annoyance and sat back against the wall his bed was wedged next to. He found his patience was already at the thinnest he could imagine; he hadn’t exactly been tossing and turning all night, but more accurately he had been laying on his back with his eyes closed waiting to be welcomed into a sleep that seemed to never be coming. The last thing that he needed was the company of a hyperactive knuckleheaded teammate.

“ _Haaaa?_ What kind of treatment is that??? You have no idea what it means to be in a team, you only think about how cool you can look in front of as many weak willed women as you can. That’s why you’ll alway-“

“Ok sneak around I don’t care.” Sasuke flopped back onto the bed and pulled the covers over himself facing away from the talkative idiot who always seemed to put together as many words as humanly possible and still couldn’t string along two logical sentences in a row. He really couldn’t be bothered, he was already erasing his mind for sleep when he felt the kid tug at the blanket to get in.

Suddenly just like that his hand was on his kunai again, “ _What_ are you doing?”

Naruto hardly bashed an eye at the kunai inches from his face, “What are you, dreaming still?? We’re bunked together for this, don’t make a bigger deal out of it than it is.”

Sasuke strained to remember, his brain must’ve really been sleep deprived, it came up with some vague idea of where he was and what was going on around him. They had been assigned a mission in a neighboring village, nothing intimidating or challenging in anyway, just another boring bodyguard duty for another annoying rich guy always talking down despite their control over his mortal well-being. He must’ve stuck them in some cheap living situations, he looked around the somewhat cramped room with one door and no windows, in which he still had to share his bed with the personified shaken bottle of soda. With Naruto. _Great._

“Alright whatever,” he felt this confirmed that Sakura was Kakashi’s favorite, as he had exempted her from this experience, “just stay on your side of the bed, I’m sleeping now, got it?”

“GoT iT!?” The brainless one parroted. Sasuke rolled his eyes and turned away once again. He felt the blankets quit moving as Naruto got comfortable in his spot on the other side, and he felt, naively, that this was going to be the end of his disturbances.

For about five whole minutes, there was silence, “Sasuke, are you awake??”

Next the whisper jumped to a whisper-shout, “ _Sasuke!_ ” But there was no way that the named boy was going to make it apparent he could hear right now, he didn’t need this and he didn’t deserve this. He definitely didn’t deserve the next performance that involved Naruto falling into a _very_ unconvincing fake sleep with about two snores, and then a sudden smack on Sasuke’s arm.

“Oh noooo, I **woke** you!!”

“You’re an idiot!” Sasuke wanted to attack his teammate, he somehow managed a “what do you want?” instead.

“I can’t sleep”

...

”And _I’m_ punished for that?!”

“I can’t sleep because I can’t remember, did Haku have eyebrows?”

_God why?_

“Haku had eyebrows, leave me alone.”

“Zabuza too??”

“ _Please!_ ”

“But **did** he?!”

Sasuke paused in the stupid and found himself stumped, “I, I can’t believe I have to say this, I don’t remember if Zabuza had eyebrows.”

“Woooah, there’s things not even perfect-Sasuke knows, huh? Very interesting”

“Would it take money to get you to stop?”

Naruto laughed obnoxiously into a soft oooh of no more breath, then straightened up, “I’m sure it couldn’t hurt.” He then waved at Sasuke dismissively, “This is what I’m saying, you never consider everybody else on your team, it’s always the Sasuke show, 24/7, you’re gonna get us killed that way someday you know!”

Sasuke didn’t have words for the irony of _Naruto_ accusing _him_ of only acting out of a need for attention, “Sorry, am I not the one saving you from certain demise every other week?”

Naruto lit up like a Christmas bulb, “You don’t save me! I could have gotten myself out of any of those situations if you had butted out!”

Sasuke scoffed, “Whatever”, and he turned back onto his side, putting the situation behind him. This didn’t work for Naruto, however, who pulled up onto his arms and legs and threw his arms to the other side of Sasuke so he could look from upside down at his face and make some form of eye contact, “Not whatever!”

When Sasuke’s eyes popped open he immediately sucker punched Naruto ten feet into the other direction, “Usuratonkachi! Nobody cares, I need to sleep!”

“ _I_ care!! I’m going to be the greatest man in this village, I can’t have you going around saying that all I ever do is get saved by you! It’s- it’s like slander! Defamation of character!!”

“Wow, did Iruka add ‘defamation’ to the vocab list? That was good, really.”

Naruto crossed his arms from the ground as he struggled to come up with something to say, it soon became apparent that he was not going to manage it. Sasuke sighed, “Will you just stay on your side of the bed and try to close your eyes?? I’m not looking for this fight right now.”

“You’re always looking for a fight with me!”

“YouAreTheOneWhoIs-“ he took a breath, “I’m sorry you feel that way but it is technically unwarranted as I never start anything with you.”

“Oh that’s right you never _start_ anything, you just make fun of me and degrade me till I snap!”

“Not true, you’re just insecure, no need to put that on me.”

Naruto clearly felt the heat of embarrassment and frustration as his face turned bright red for the second time in just this little encounter, instead of saying anything he huffed and stood up. He walked to the corner of the room and laid down on his side facing the wall, as far as he could get from the bed. Sasuke felt a sigh escape his mouth although he knew this should be the endgame of whatever was going on here, best-case scenario reached!

Yeah, whatever, still, “come on Naruto, you know I’m just saying things because I have to, it doesn’t mean anything, you’re fine, sleep in the bed idiot.”

“Naruto.”

...

Another sigh, of frustration this time, “Naruto don’t make me-“

“You’re just as bad as everyone else” Naruto paused before mending his statement; “You’re _so_ much worse than everyone else.”

Sasuke found himself with a lump in his throat, the comment felt like it came from a whole different place than he’d ever seen in Naruto. And he felt his side start to ache with a feeling of guilt he couldn’t place, he felt immediately that if he left Naruto thinking that way, he couldn’t find peace in the group afterwards without an air of tension. But he couldn’t seem to force anything out of his mouth.

He didn’t need to, Naruto went on, “I thought, when we were in the Hidden Mist I started to, I was thinking,” he took a breath as Sasuke struggled to remember what that meant on his end, “I guess I don’t know what I thought” he closed with.

Sasuke felt the lump in his throat become more solid by the second, somehow not being able to see Naruto’s face made his words feel so distant, like he could turn around and his face would be unrecognizable. He didn’t feel comfortable this way, it was a strange feeling but he wished that he would turn around, stick out his tongue and say ‘Juuuust kiddinnnnng BA HA HA I REALLY GOT YOU’ just to smash this lump before he threw it up.

He knew this was not in the cards for him as time went on and he could barely see if Naruto was moving or not, let alone preparing a long-term punchline, the dummy didn’t have the patience for it. He understood he had to talk in spite of the feeling but he couldn’t do it to this blank figure curled up in the corner.

“Naruto at least face me, your outfit doesn’t match the seriousness.”

The other boy didn’t make a sound and at first he thought he might have actually fallen asleep on the floor, but he noticed a heavy breath rise in his shoulders and he watched him sit up, still facing away. Now he was thinking maybe he really did intend to pull some funny face when he turned around but that assumption was wrong too. In reality he just wiped his face with his sleeve and turned around like he was told.

Sasuke felt his face tense with discomfort, why did this have to happen out of the blue? He didn’t have the brain power to be dealing with someone’s feelings, when was the last time he dealt with someone’s feelings even with a full battery?

But still, “Naruto I don’t intentionally start fights with you anymore than anybody else, you’re just the one who prompts something the most.”

“Do you _want_ me to turn back around???”

Sasuke groaned, “Stop, it’s not like I meant anything bad by _that_!”

“Just that my presence justifies ridicule!!”

“You are the _only_ person who would read into it that way!!!”

“ ** _Yeah?!_** Well I **did** read into it that way, so now what!?”

Sasuke waved his hands down at Naruto for the consistent volume increase they were both guilty of, “ _okay_ ” he sat up straight and pulled back his hair, “it’s not that _your_ presence deserves ridicule, it’s just anyone who gets too close to me, pays too close attention, it makes me itchy; and all you do is obsess over me and-“

“I do **not** obsess over you!”

Sasuke felt like he was making this into a joke, he grabbed the pillow Naruto slept on and whipped it at his head, it was not dodged. And Sasuke didn’t wait for him to catch his bearings afterwards either, just went on, “ever since we were put on the same team you’ve been chasing after me in everything I do.”

“I-“

“And it’s not just that you use me for a training goal! _Physically!_ You get **_way_** closer to me than anyone else!”

“Wow ok don’t make me sound l-“

“Like why did you have to hop up on the desk and get in my face in the first place?? That wouldn’t have led to- ledtowhatitledto if you had just said something from your seat! Like a normal person!” He was beyond ashamed to be aware of the fact that his face was the red one this time; although the darkness was still hiding Naruto’s face from plain sight, he hoped it would do the same for him.

“God Sasuke why are you thinking about stuff like that? I don’t lay in bed thinking about that, you’re sick. And a hypocrite, you told me to be quiet then started Ba bA BA!”

“I don’t know why I expect you to keep up with a conversation for more than fifty seven seconds at a time.”

“Why fifty seven?”

“ _Why_ do I bother!?”

He took a calming breath, “Listen, all I ask of you is that you stay out of my area and just cooperate as a team member, in a professional way.”

Naruto fell silent for a few seconds, dumb-founded, “Why?”

“Why what? What do you mean?”

“Why am I staying out of your area?”

“Is it not enough that that’s just what I’m asking you as a ninja of the same village, with respect?”

Naruto scratched at his face and mulled it over for a little while, “No I guess not, not really.”

Sasuke was sick of the joke at this point, “Ok, you’re hilarious Naruto, everyone laughs at you, aren’t you proud?” He felt his annoyance boil over as he talked, “You see? This has always been your problem! You _never_ know when to take things seriously, you’re the _only_ person who talks to me like I’m at your level, the _only_ person who doesn’t feel the break between yourself and the last Uchiha! You’re the _only_ person who gets so damn **_close_** **all** the **time**!!”

Sasuke couldn’t see his face, he wondered if he had put him in his place too harshly, if he had finally broken that strange connection Naruto felt with him. He wondered why that felt like losing when it was supposed to be the goal.

“Back in the Hidden Mist,” Naruto started suddenly, “I remember the disbelief I felt when I realized what you _did_ ,” he chuckled darkly, “for _me_ ,” the chuckle broke into a real laugh, Sasuke didn’t join him in it, “of **_all_** people!”

Naruto stood and went to sit on the bed, Sasuke felt like he had read his mind, this disconnect of not being able to see his face almost drove him to go sit on the ground, he was glad the blonde broke first. But he regretted his wishes when he met his eyes and felt an even stronger disconnect there, why did he look at him so much like a stranger?

“And when you were in my lap and we both _knew_ you weren’t leaving there, you reached out your hand to me,” he made eye contact the whole time but his eyes were sad no matter what he was saying, “and I had the thought that I should take it and keep it warm before it went cold.”

“You know you were so-“ his voice hitched for a second but he swallowed and pretended it hadn’t happened, “you were always so pale anyways, it wasn’t hard for me to imagine seeing your face slip into something I couldn’t pull you back from. When I saw the hand I thought thank god, he _needs_ me to stay and help him, he _needs_ to be connected, he needs, _anything_ I can give him...and no sooner had I thought it than it dropped right into your lap. And I thought it really must be true; whatever I had done in any past life, I really would suffer the consequences forever. I understood immediately that I had always been that cursed child they told me I was, I felt the happiness drain from my future.” At this point the eye contact did break, Naruto’s eyes found something below Sasuke’s gaze to focus on.

“It just, I _felt_ it, and when it was over and you were still here, I think when things went back to the way they were, I knew it was just a fluke.” he scratched the back of his head and laughed nervously, “I guess I can’t deal with the embarrassment of you feeling the exact opposite of what I had thought.”

Sasuke didn’t know what to do except stare ‘ba-ha just kidding, ba-ha just kidding, say it, say it, say it,’ not a chance.

“Although now I’ve just said it out loud right in front of your face- to your face- right before it- It is, in fact, **very** embarrassing and kinda makes me wanna _die_ ,” he said with awkward finger guns. His face then journeyed through several more emotions before he tried, “I mean, you know what? This was funny really though, right? Because it was actually meant to be a joke. Obviously it was.”

Sasuke felt guilty for wishing he would say that now too. God, how many more times would he have to feel things in a row? This was exhausting. “Naruto, what you need to know about me is that I _don’t_ connect with people, I never have, there’s been a wall ever since I knew I was going to follow the path that I know I’m going to follow. All of me goes into that, there’s none left for other people.”

Naruto nodded attentively, “If that’s what you like, that’s what you like, I guess.”

“Psh, I always think you’re getting serious just to have you say something weird right after; it’s not about liking something, it’s just the way it is.”

“So basically you _want_ me to leave you alone?” Naruto sounded disbelieving but also like he was genuinely asking.

Sasuke clasped his hands together in mild celebration; “ _All_ I want is to be left alone.”

Naruto nodded mutely, “ok” the tension in his shoulders dropped, he took his side of the blanket and laid down on his side of the bed. Sasuke couldn’t believe he’d actually found the right words for it to finally stick for him, he couldn’t help but sigh in relief as he collapsed back into his side. He could feel that this time he would be able to find his rest.

He turned over on his side again, for the millionth time. Well, honestly, that side had been pushed against the bed for so long now, it was getting cramped up. For this reason he knew he couldn’t possibly fall asleep facing this way and decided to flip to face the middle of the bed instead, lest he be sleep deprived any longer.

‘So Naruto’s being an exemplary listener’, he thought to himself, a little annoyed, looking back at the bright orange jacket, he was well outside of any boundaries. It was more of a shock than anything, just that he could follow directions, to be honest. Sooo interesting. He blew his hair away from his face, not hearing any of the signs of sleep or tense hyperactive repression from the other boy, just stillness.

He’s doing it on purpose, he’s doing the opposite of his normal behavior so I’ll get freaked out and pay attention to him, well I can’t be tricked like some dumb dog, I’m not giving in. I’ve got the advantage, I can see through it and I know that I can still sleep, and this actually _helps_ me find sleep, I’m not the kind of person who shares beds, I fall asleep when it’s still, that’s how I like it, fool. Sasuke smirked as he closed his eyes, that dummy didn’t realize how easily he would fall asleep now, he played right into his hands; he almost felt like he was deserving of his own BA HA HA moment, except actually sounding cool. How could anyone turn Naruto’s behavior cool though? I mean he was only human. 

He was human and his brain buzzed with thoughts intensely the more he tried to push them out; as stupid, human brains always seemed to do in his experience.

His eyes opened, “Naruto?”

There was a pause for a moment, then a groggy, “yeah?”

Damn didn’t realize I’d be waking you up, sheesh! I mean.. I knew, I guess, I just- “I can’t sleep”

...

“Are you trying to be funny Sasuke?”

He scoffed defensively, “No, idiot, I can’t sleep because your jacket is the brightest thing in the universe and you’ve got it right in my face.”

Naruto peered over his shoulder suspiciously with a hint of annoyance, “What’s this anyway?? I thought we were facing our sides, genius.”

“Well now I’m facing this way, and either you are too or you’re taking off that ridiculous jacket.”

“Forget it! There’s no heat in here!” Naruto grumbled at even the suggestion of removing his jacket as he turned around with all the exaggerated shuffling he could manage, “Happy?”

Sasuke swallowed, “Shut up.”

“Always something with you,” Naruto rolled his eyes, “hey can I ask you something?”

“No but you can go to sleep.”

Naruto didn’t even need to vocalize his impression of that sentence, he lifted an eyebrow with all the critiques spelled out on it, Sasuke breathed out resignedly, “What is it?”

“Ok so do you remember earlier when you were giving your ‘I’m better than you’ speech-“

“Not what it was.”

“Whatever, you said I’m the only person who doesn’t talk to you like the last of the Uchiha.”

Sasuke thought there were more words coming after this, he was surprised when Naruto stopped and waited for a response, his eyes shifted uncomfortably, “Ok??”

“But aren’t you after your brother? Isn’t he another Uchiha?”

Sasuke scowled, idiot, who talks about such things so casually? Surely he must know _something_ about his past. For some reason though, Sasuke only found himself angry at the thought of his brother, not at Naruto for bringing it up.

“It’s complicated, Usuratonkachi.” In reality he could never bring himself to consider his own brother a member of his clan; because how could he go on on a day-to-day basis feeling the pressure of having shared genetics with that scumbag? It was easier sometimes to just let himself believe certain things to keep a cool head; it’s not like it was ever supposed to be something that he vocalized to somebody else. He almost wanted to laugh, the kid who never shut up actually happened to focus in on something that weighed at the core of who he was, must’ve been a lucky coincidence. Either way he felt he couldn’t completely suppress a smile.

“Ehhh, I knew you were trying to be funny Sasuke, it ruins my image of you, gives me the chills.”

“Shut up.”

Naruto obeyed again for a second, then stopped before he started making a habit of it, “Was it anything like this?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes, “You’re gonna have to be more specific, Usuratonkachi.”

“Having a brother.”

Sasuke felt his body chemically react to Naruto’s words, and that reaction was not one he found pleasant. He felt so immediately cold he half expected to see his breath when he spoke; 

“ _This_ is different.”

“Why?”

“Haven’t you already asked me that before? Why are you so obsessed with this connection between you and brotherhood? It’s weird.”

“I’ve never asked you about this before.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes; “I’m sure you have.”

“ **No** , I haven’t!”

Sasuke sensed his seriousness and it put him on edge, had he made up this conversation before?? Whatever, this was making him fucking itchy.

“Ok what’s with the interview dumbass? I don’t owe it to you to open up, ok? So quit poking already! In fact why don’t you just give up and leave me already?! Christ!” He didn’t know where his own words were coming from, other than that same chemical reaction that turned him stone cold moments earlier. Somehow having Naruto scrutinize him this way really prodded at something deep in him, his reactions were animal-like, instinctual.

Naruto seemed to read this just fine, his voice was calm, “Ok,” he nodded, “we don’t have to talk.”

For awhile after Naruto said this, Sasuke surprised himself with how long he was not only _willing_ to meet Naruto’s gaze, but was actually _dependent_ on meeting it. He felt that the blue in Naruto’s eyes was different from the cold blue that gripped him almost every night he could remember; its endlessness was hopeful not suffocating, he felt he could almost become obsessed with it. He allowed himself to be for a little while.

“I’m only here to help you, Sasuke.” Naruto sounded out of touch somehow, and Sasuke remembered the distance he seemed to be carrying in his face tonight. Sure enough when he took a step back and glanced at his face as a whole, he could see that he still, at some level, looked at him like a stranger, even when his words were meant to convey the opposite.

“What’s that supposed to mean, dummy?” He felt uneasy but didn’t trust his feelings enough at this point to act on any of it, he’d just have to ignore it. Naruto wasn’t making it any easier on him; he only looked at Sasuke for a moment more before he sat up, took off his jacket, and turned away to sleep without another word.

Sasuke had officially had enough of Naruto turning his back to him, he knew that he was only following the guidelines that he himself had set, but _whatever_ , he didn’t like them anymore. “Naruto you came in here and woke me up, you don’t get to turn in whenever you feel like it.”

“ _Naruto_.”

“Naruto _come on_ , can we skip this part? You know you’ll just turn back around eventually!” He tried to poke fun, to no avail.

He rolled his eyes and sat up onto his knees, “you really have to make everythi-“he froze in turning Naruto over, was his face red again? It was a different red this time, not a kind reflection of what he felt on the inside, it was a physical, angry mark, on the outside, and not just on his face, on _all_ the outside.

“ ** _NARUTO!!!_** ”

What the hell happened just now? He was fine two seconds ago, I was staring, I saw, I know, I know he was fine. He’s fine, he’s fine, he’s fine, he’s fine. He’s playing at something, we’ll laugh about it in no time, we’ll be fine, he’s _joking!_

“Naruto what’s going on!?” He blurted out in panic as he went about frantically examining the burn marks that covered his friend’s body, “What’s happening right now??!?!”

“ _Naruto??_ ”

“ **Naruto!!** ”

Naruto slowly turned his eyes up to meet his own fiercely panicking ones.

“Sa..su..ke”

The chemical reaction took place again; but this time, while it did, he heard his own voice in his mind, panicking, processing, ‘That’s not my fault!! What kind of person makes a line of clones and doesn’t put them self as far from the enemy on it as they can!? Idiot, idiot, idiot, **idiot!** No _you’re_ the idiot, how long will you sit and stare? Finish it, do something, he’s right there, do it, end it, just fucking do it! _Do it!_ ’

Sasuke felt his body shaking, though he was frozen in something of fear and disgust, disbelief and confusion; in everything.

“Naruto, _**please!**_ What can I do? What’ll help this? How do I stop this?” But the other boy didn’t respond, the color red started to exit his body, but it took all the other colors with it, leaving him still and cold. Sasuke hunched over in desperation, bringing his face as close as he could to the other’s without touching, what could be done?? It was over before he knew what was happening, the face of so much expression was blank and empty, Sasuke could see it from inches away and he couldn’t get himself to move.

He thought about what Naruto had said earlier and he felt himself reach around for his hand, he found it waiting at his side, cold as ice. Without a thought, Sasuke grasped it in both hands and pressed tight, holding it against his own chest as he stared at his sad-looking face. He found himself wishing this action could somehow be viewed from Naruto’s perspective and understood for the feeling that it was. As if in death he’d finally understand. What could be more ridiculous than that? There was only one thing that he felt with the utmost confidence in this moment, no doubt about it; he had always been the bigger fool between the two.

...

Sasuke lurched forward out of sleep violently. He put his weight onto his palms as he leaned over them, breathing unsteadily, trying not to puke. Almost sixty days after he’d left this life behind, it was still haunting him like a ghost when he slept. He smashed down his fist on the surface of the small bed he’d been provided with by Orochimaru, hardly capable of supporting him, let alone another person. Why do dreams never concern themselves with what we know logically? He was by himself in this cramped room with one door and no windows, there was never going to be a physical Naruto here.

Orochimaru had already more or less hammered it into his head that he hadn’t been found in time, so that must’ve been why he was always the one that visited him every time he felt like dying. But he wasn’t dreaming anymore, he knew he could never be able to capture all of his old friend in his mind, only the things he could remember, and memories don’t count as company. His ghost might never really visit Sasuke, but the lie of his ghost in his imagination is easier to live in than the truth; that he was alone. Without Naruto.

.. ....great.. ... .

 


End file.
